Professional Etiquette
Lawyers notice how you carry yourself. So much of this profession runs on reputation and relationships that the small things add up, like how you write an email or how you handle yourself at a dinner. This guide covers three settings you will move through: a professional office, law school, and the table at a recruiting dinner.
Writing to partners and colleagues
Treat every email like it could be forwarded, because it can be. In a profession built on careful writing, your emails are part of how people judge your work.
- Write a clear, specific subject line so the reader knows what the email is about before they open it.
- Address people formally until they tell you otherwise. Start with Dear Mr. Carter or Dear Ms. Lopez, and move to a first name only after they sign off with theirs.
- Get to the point in the first sentence. Partners are busy, and a short, clear email is a kindness.
- Proofread every email before it goes out. Typos stand out in a field that runs on precise writing.
- Match their tone. If a partner is brief, be brief. Save jokes, slang, and emojis for people who use them with you first.
- Reply promptly, even if it is only to say you got the message and will follow up by a certain time.
- Be careful with reply all, and check the recipient line twice before you send anything sensitive.
- Never send an email while you are angry or rushed. Write it, wait, and read it again.
- Name your attachments clearly, like Smith_Memo_Draft.docx, so the reader can find them later.
- Keep a simple, professional signature with your name, year, school, and phone number.
In the office
How to carry yourself at work
- Show up on time, to work and to every meeting. If you are running late, say so early.
- Learn people’s names and use them. Greet the people you pass.
- Treat assistants, paralegals, and staff with genuine respect. They know how the office runs, and they remember how you treat them.
- When you get an assignment, repeat back the task, the deadline, and the format, so you are sure you understood it.
- Give status updates before you are asked, especially if something is going to be late.
- Try to solve a problem yourself first, then ask a specific question if you are still stuck. Do not sit on it for days.
- Own your mistakes quickly and plainly. Hiding an error is worse than making one.
- Keep client information confidential, including who the client is. Do not talk about work in elevators or hallways.
- Take feedback without getting defensive. Thank them, fix it, and apply it next time.
- Put your phone away in meetings.
Firm events
Happy hours, dinners, and parties
- Treat firm happy hours and dinners as professional events, not nights out. People remember.
- Limit your drinking, or skip it. One drink is plenty, and none is fine.
- Talk to people beyond your own group, and thank the host before you leave.
- Do not show up already drunk, and do not be the last one there. Read the room.
Professors
Working with your professors
- Email professors formally. Dear Professor Lastname is always safe.
- Go to office hours with specific questions, not “I am lost.” Show that you did the reading first.
- If you get cold-called and miss, stay composed, do your best, and move on. Everyone has an off day.
- Do not argue with a professor to show off. Ask your question, listen, and follow up after class if you need to.
- Ask for recommendation letters early. Give the professor your resume, the deadline, and what the letter is for, then thank them and tell them how it turned out.
- Respect their time. They have a lot of students.
Peers
How you treat your classmates
The legal world is small, and your classmates become your colleagues, co-counsel, and referrals. Treat them that way now.
- Be generous. Share notes and outlines within your school’s norms, and help a classmate who missed class.
- Pull your weight in group work, and do not dominate every class discussion.
- Avoid the gunner reputation. You do not need to win every exchange.
- Be reliable. If you say you will do something, do it. People notice who they can count on.
- Do not gossip or tear other people down. It always comes back around.
Alumni
Meeting alumni and building a network
- When an alum gives you their time, be punctual, prepared, and grateful. Have a few questions ready.
- Do not open by asking for a job. Ask about their path and their advice, and let the relationship grow.
- Send a thank-you note within a day, and mention something specific you talked about.
- Keep in touch once in a while, not only when you need something.
- Keep your online presence professional. Assume employers will look.
For email templates and a way to track your contacts, see the Networking Guide.
Firms interview you over meals on purpose. A recruiting dinner or a callback lunch is still part of the interview, and how you handle yourself at the table tells them how you will handle yourself in front of a client. None of this is about being fancy. It is about being easy to dine with.
The place setting
Find your bread and your water
When the table is crowded with glasses and forks, two rules keep you straight. Your bread plate is on your left, and your drinks are on your right.
An easy way to remember it is BMW: Bread, Meal, Water, from left to right. For the utensils, work from the outside in with each new course.
Fork and knife
Two correct ways to eat
There are two accepted styles. Pick one and be consistent. Either is correct, so use whichever feels natural and do it cleanly.
Continental (European) style
Keep your fork in your left hand with the tines pointing down, and your knife in your right hand the whole meal.
Cut a bite, then bring it to your mouth with the fork still in your left hand. You do not switch hands.
This style is common and always correct at a formal dinner.
American (Zigzag) style
Hold the fork in your left hand and the knife in your right to cut a bite.
Set the knife down, switch the fork to your right hand with the tines up, and eat.
You switch, or zigzag, back and forth through the meal. This is also perfectly acceptable.
Utensil signals
What your fork and knife tell the server
Where you leave your utensils is a quiet message. Use it so your plate is cleared at the right time.
Still eating
Rest the knife and fork crossed, or in an upside-down V, on the plate. This tells the server you are not finished.
Finished
Lay the knife and fork together across the plate, handles at the lower right. This tells the server to clear your plate.
At the table
Table manners
- Put your napkin in your lap once the host does, folded in half with the fold toward you. If you step away, set it on your chair, not the table.
- Wait until the host starts, or until everyone is served, before you eat.
- Pass food to the right, and always pass the salt and pepper together, even if someone asks for only one.
- Break bread into small pieces and butter one piece at a time, over your bread plate.
- Bring the food up to your mouth, not your mouth down to the food. Sit up.
- Taste before you season. Reaching for the salt first can look like you assumed the worst.
- Eat at the same pace as the table, so you are not far ahead or far behind everyone else.
- Keep your elbows off the table while you eat, chew with your mouth closed, and finish what is in your mouth before you talk.
- Spoon soup away from you, and sip from the side of the spoon.
- Do not blow on hot food. Wait for it to cool.
- Keep your phone off the table and out of sight.
Ordering
Ordering and drinking at a recruiting dinner
- Follow the host’s lead. If they suggest courses or order wine, you can follow.
- Pick something mid-priced. Do not order the most expensive thing on the menu, and do not order the cheapest as a statement.
- Avoid messy or awkward food, like ribs, whole lobster, spaghetti, or anything you eat with your hands.
- Limit alcohol to one drink, or have none. Getting drunk at a firm event is the fastest way to undo a good impression.
- Do not start eating until the host has begun.
- Let the host pay. They invited you, so do not fight for the check. Just thank them.
Conversation
How to talk at the table
- Treat it as a friendly interview. Be warm, but stay professional.
- Stay away from divisive topics like politics and religion. Keep it light and positive.
- Ask questions and listen. Do not dominate the conversation or interrupt.
- Do not complain about your school, your professors, or other firms, and do not gossip.
- Include everyone at the table, not only the most senior person there.
- Thank the host at the end, and send a short thank-you email the next day.
© 2026 Surviving Law School · General guidance. Norms vary by office, school, and region, so read the room.